Teaching independence

Today, I packed my two oldest kids off to camp for the week. We've come a long way from our first experience with camp several years ago. It got me to thinking.

The first time I sent my child away for a week long camp, I really struggled with it. We would not be allowed any contact with her, and I had never experienced this as a mother. What if she something happened? Is she sad? Is she scared? How will I know that she is ok?

The day after we took her, I went to a mother's meeting. I sat down and as we were introducing ourselves, I mentioned my nervousness about sending a kid to camp. The woman next to me was a former camp director! Coincidence?!?

We ended up in a great conversation where she gave me some of the greatest parenting advice I have ever gotten. "You cannot teach your children to be independent of you. Someone else has to do it." She went on to talk about camp being a safe place where kids really get to experience in finding out how life works without a parent around. Kids get to understand the consequences of their decisions, because they are completely their own. Last year Max learned what happens when you eat an entire bag of skittles. He said his tongue was sore for the entire week.


I honestly think this is one of the biggest mistakes parents make. We try to do everything for our kids and teach them the ways of the world. We want to provide for them, and grow them. Then, we have a hard time letting someone else get the 'credit' for teaching them independence. When children don't get independence from their parents, this causes all sorts of family dynamics. I think that, sometimes, this causes children to rip away from their parents in order to find their own path. This can cause a lot of hard feelings. Often, kids find unhelpful people to teach them things. At least when my kids are young, I can influence who is in their lives.


Since that conversation with a former camp director, I have searched diligently for people to help me raise my kids. We have adopted aunts and formed our own little village of people who are expected to help raise my kids. I have learned that I need all the help I can get, knowing that these kids are only with me a short time in their lives.