Feelings

I pondered a bit about the 'darkness' of my last post. I felt the need to acknowledge this part of my life, simply because others have the same parts. In fact, I think we all do, we just may not acknowledge it. I spent some time learning about shadow. It is the Jungian concept of the unconscious. A very wise man once told me that only 10 % of our shadow is dark. The rest is golden. We tend to avoid the 90% due to fear of the dark parts.
My experience with grieving has been complicated at times. One of the speakers at the conference last week was talking about medications. She said that a person experience a great loss cannot cover those feelings with medicine. She said 'they need to feel what they are feeling.'
I will admit that it is easier, at the time, to avoid feelings. Who wants to feel sad, mad, despondent? I sure didn't, and I have spent time running away from it. I now realize that running from those feelings also causes loosing out on extreme joy, happiness and satisfaction.
There are times in my life where my heart bursts with happiness. I catch myself wondering if I am really in Heaven. I understand the saying that your greatest joy is simply your greatest pain unmasked.
I still am amazed at how the universe seems to work. I don't understand how feelings work. I am just a long for a wild and crazy ride.