My youngest son has been inviting people to his birthday party since last September. He invites everyone he sees, including the greeter at Walmart. He has been bugging some of his adoptive aunts for many months now, and many of them agreed to come. Yesterday, I realized that 2 of my college roommates had not been together since my wedding. Yet, here they were in my house!! I was so excited I didn't know what to do. Other friends of mine arrived and I realized that I was surrounded by some of the most amazing women in my life. My sisters were sitting around my Table!!
Somehow, in his now six year old heart, Carter weaved a magical night. I'll never forget how he smiled and lovingly invited people to come to his house and celebrate his birth. He asked for their presence, not presents. He wanted to share food, love and his time with others. He managed to help show his mom how much she is loved and respected. This comes at a wonderful time for me. My birthday is in 2 days, but I couldn't ask for any more. My thanks to Carter and all who came to our house last night. My friend Sue said it best: It was like Carter was gathering us all here as his birthday present to his mother.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Club membership
I can think back over my life and realize I have never really been a member of a club. I am not exactly sure why, but it is the truth. The only school club I joined was Students Against Drunk Driving. I only joined that because I wanted to fight drunk driving. I tried girl scouts for awhile, but I never felt like I fit in. I even tried a sorority in college. That lasted for one meeting.
As an adult, I have joined things that were billed as leagues, orders and churches. After I was there for awhile, I started to see the cognitive dissonance within the structure. It was then that I usually moved on.
I really spent much of my life thinking that *I* was the problem. I have been told that I am always a little bit out of step with things. I have told I march to a different drummer. I have been told many things, always left with thinking that I was somehow broken. If I could just learn to get along, follow the rules. I was becoming hopeless.
Then, gradually over the past months, I realized that I might not be as hopeless as I thought. I have awakened to realize that I am blessed with some real, authentic relationships. I am in communion with quite a few people. There is a group of nuns who understand me better than I realize. Last weekend, one of them smiled at me and said "We believed in you all along." This week, at supper with good friends, I spoke of my new job. There was real excitement and encouragement. This is the sort of stuff I have been searching for all along. I wasn't looking for a club, I was aching for community.
So what is the difference? There have been books written on community building. I keep meaning to order Scott Peck's book about 'A Different Drum.' For me the big difference has been simple: when I speak my truth, how am I treated? You can easily be kicked out of a club for disagreeing. In a club, your voice doesn't matter. In a club, people protect their territory instead of protecting the vulnerable. In a community, everyone matters. People can speak their truth. People care.
I think most people in our culture don't really understand the difference. They settle for clubs, because we don't have much in the way of real community. They settle for pseudo community, because they don't want to risk building authentic community. The difference is immense, and I wish people would be willing to work towards what is real, instead of settling for what is not. I, for one, am immensely blessed with the community I have found.
As an adult, I have joined things that were billed as leagues, orders and churches. After I was there for awhile, I started to see the cognitive dissonance within the structure. It was then that I usually moved on.
I really spent much of my life thinking that *I* was the problem. I have been told that I am always a little bit out of step with things. I have told I march to a different drummer. I have been told many things, always left with thinking that I was somehow broken. If I could just learn to get along, follow the rules. I was becoming hopeless.
Then, gradually over the past months, I realized that I might not be as hopeless as I thought. I have awakened to realize that I am blessed with some real, authentic relationships. I am in communion with quite a few people. There is a group of nuns who understand me better than I realize. Last weekend, one of them smiled at me and said "We believed in you all along." This week, at supper with good friends, I spoke of my new job. There was real excitement and encouragement. This is the sort of stuff I have been searching for all along. I wasn't looking for a club, I was aching for community.
So what is the difference? There have been books written on community building. I keep meaning to order Scott Peck's book about 'A Different Drum.' For me the big difference has been simple: when I speak my truth, how am I treated? You can easily be kicked out of a club for disagreeing. In a club, your voice doesn't matter. In a club, people protect their territory instead of protecting the vulnerable. In a community, everyone matters. People can speak their truth. People care.
I think most people in our culture don't really understand the difference. They settle for clubs, because we don't have much in the way of real community. They settle for pseudo community, because they don't want to risk building authentic community. The difference is immense, and I wish people would be willing to work towards what is real, instead of settling for what is not. I, for one, am immensely blessed with the community I have found.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Just take it and move on
I called a good friend to check in with things. I started listing off all of the good things happening in my life right now, happy and perplexed. I said I just feel more blessed than I deserve. He responded with "Just take it and move on." I know it sounds a big backward, but it is helping me understand this Transition in my life.
I was raised to prepare for any thing bad that could happen. I was trained as a paramedic/ER nurse to treat worse case diseases or injuries. Our culture inundates us with fear based marketing. So, basically, I had come to expect the worst. I was comfortable with that.
So what do I do when the worst doesn't happen? What do I do when the good things happen? What do I do when I am being set up for SUCCESS? Wow!
Well, I've decided to take this advice. I don't need to sit and figure everything out. I don't even need to continue to prepare for everything that could go bad. We've done our work with that, and we need to relax.
I am intentionally working on expecting the best in life right now. I expect to be treated with respect and compassion. I expect to be successful at my new job. I expect good things to befall my family. I also trust that when (not if) bad things do happen, we will manage them.
Life is too short and too precious not to embrace all that is good in my life. So, I promise to 'just take it and move on.'
I was raised to prepare for any thing bad that could happen. I was trained as a paramedic/ER nurse to treat worse case diseases or injuries. Our culture inundates us with fear based marketing. So, basically, I had come to expect the worst. I was comfortable with that.
So what do I do when the worst doesn't happen? What do I do when the good things happen? What do I do when I am being set up for SUCCESS? Wow!
Well, I've decided to take this advice. I don't need to sit and figure everything out. I don't even need to continue to prepare for everything that could go bad. We've done our work with that, and we need to relax.
I am intentionally working on expecting the best in life right now. I expect to be treated with respect and compassion. I expect to be successful at my new job. I expect good things to befall my family. I also trust that when (not if) bad things do happen, we will manage them.
Life is too short and too precious not to embrace all that is good in my life. So, I promise to 'just take it and move on.'
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