Over the years, I have given up different things for Lent. My children have also joined in giving up. One year, my oldest child and her best friend gave up pickles. They approached it very seriously, and reverently, as far as 5 year olds can.
I sat in church today and heard a sermon about Jesus giving up his family. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a very respected clergy member. He had forgotten something, and I had gotten upset. I apologized explaining that I was very sensitive to anyone representing the very church that had hurt me so much. I then went on to explain that I had been kicked out of church. He listened patiently, and then responded in a way that shook me out of my misery. “I was kicked out of my first church also” I choked back tears as I realized that I was speaking with someone who understood my story because we shared it. I managed to thank him, “There are very few people who understood what you give up in order to speak Truth.”
So, I sat in a new church this morning pondering what I had left to give up. My answer came to me so clearly that I felt it in the pit of my stomach. It has been a year since I went to the post office to sign for a letter from my home church. It was a letter threatening to have me arrested if I were found on the premises. It was a letter that changed my life forever. It was tangible evidence of what I had been willing to give up. Over the past year, I have fought with myself over reconciliation. I kept the hope of past friends remembering promises during Holy Baptism. I had hoped that I could forgive and be forgiven. I had hoped that somehow, some way, we could remember that we are all part of the Body.
So, this morning, my answer came to me. I realized that I had to give up hope of earthly reconciliation. This is God’s territory, and I need to give it back to the Holy One. This morning, I watched my precocious 3 year old follow her big sister up to the stage to sing a praise song at the end of the service. I realized, at once, how welcomed and valued my children were at this simple country church. I looked at my decision to give up hope, and I decided it was a good thing.
