Ministry of Presence

I have been thinking a great deal about my maternal grandmother lately. I think that the retreat last weekend about care taking has this in the front of my mind. Oh, how I miss her. There are so many things I want to say about her and our relationship. I think that I avoid it because it still hurts too much. So, I will start with a story surrounding her death. Even in her dying, I learned so much.
I was in my last day of nursing clinicals when one of the sitters called me and told me I needed to come be with my grandmother. She used the words 'death rattle'. I told my instructor I was leaving and got in the car. My mom was out of town, so it was up to me to take care of things. When I arrived, I opened the Book of Common Prayer and said prayers. This was very comforting to me, but I needed someone else to help. I called someone and asked her to send the Priest to our house. Shortly after that, she showed up in a tee shirt and jeans. What happened next stunned me and changed my life forever.
This Priest didn't come in the house to *do* anything. She simply sat with me. She sat with me for hours watching my grandmother struggle within her failing body. We talked, laughed and cried. There were no big rituals, no fancy prayers. We were simply present with each other, and my grandmother. It was beautiful, and intimate. It was simply a ministry of Presence.
I am finding, as I am growing in my journey, that I seemed to be called to give my own ministry of Presence. One time, I sat with a mother whose baby had died. We spent several hours talking and crying. Every bit of my body wanted to be *doing* something. Yet, I just sat, trying to be present with her grief. Recently, I sat for awhile with a friend who had lost her mother. We spent a long time just talking.
This is a different sort of way to be in the world. It means that you are *with* someone. There are no roles, no one is better or elevated. It means offering your best self to whatever the situation calls for. I continue to struggle at times with this, wanting to fix something. I try to say all of the right things, I try to end the suffering.
So the *work* of this ministry is preparing yourself. It is preparing yourself in a way that leaves baggage, hard feelings, agendas and roles behind. It is inviting your vulnerable place to sit down with another person's vulnerable place. I am very grateful for this gift given to me at my grandmother's bedside.