I decided to take an impromptu trip to see Richard Walters from Pink Floyd last week. I had seen them when I was in college, and took the opportunity to ride with a friend to Charlotte for the concert. I went to the closet to grab a hat and saw the carrier I have used for many years to carry my kids. I always grab it to take on trips, even now. This time, I left it and grabbed my own hat.
As I grabbed my hat, I had a sense of the end of an era. My youngest turned 4 years old this week. We have had young children in the house since 1997. Most of our life has been very family centered since then. I've toted babies all over this country. Steve even got very good at carrying the kids.
What surprised me about my acknowledgement of this ending is my feeling of sincere satisfaction. I have put in time with my kids, lots and lots of time. When they are young, they need that physical connection to a mom. This is the 'trust vs. mistrust' stage of development according to Erickson. This is where these kids (and I think parents, too) get to learn how to be in this world. Erickson says that you have to satisfy this stage, or you struggle with trust for the rest of your life.
So, my years of toting, nursing, snuggling, responding, letting the housework go, was worth the trouble. I missed out on a lot of things. I even lost friends who didn't have the same values. I decided that was OK with me. I didn't miss out on anything of value. I put my time in.
So, I find myself satisfied with this parenting role I have. I see what kind of woman my oldest is becoming. She is spending this week working on a house with the church. She wanted to serve others. I even tried to talk her out of it, but she wanted to go. I like to think that time I put into her formative years is paying off a little bit. She knew she was a valued part of this family, and we wouldn't have left her behind. So, we toted her along, even if it meant missing out.
Most importantly, when I passed over that carrier, I realized something very important. I didn't think twice about taking some time away for me. I'm important, too. My kids and husband value me. That is very satisfying.
I can almost hear a long and happy "ahhhhh ..." You're doin' good.
ReplyDeleteI hit the same feeling at the same age. When my wife and I reached 40 yrs old, we both had an internal switch that shifted from wanting babies to merely appreciating babies. From wanting more kids to being very content with what we have.
ReplyDeleteAs Janet says, we both had a very long and happy "ahhh" when we hit 40.
I have seen this in a couple of our friends when they hit 40, too.