Why?

Seven years ago today, my grandmother died. It was, by far, one of the hardest periods of my life. I helped care for her in the last years of her life, more so in the final months as we brought in hospice care. I was also in the last semester of nursing school. Gaga died on a Sunday. I took one final exam on Monday. We had the funeral on Tuesday. On Wednesday I took my other final exam. Needless to say, I was completely overwhelmed.

I think with all of the hard parts, difficult decisions and grief, I got caught up in things. I tend to look back at all of the mistakes I made. I would of, could of, should of. I wish I had been nicer to my grandmother. I regret any words that sounded harsh.

Last week, I was cleaning out a book case and found one of Gaga's many journals. I turned a page and found this quote:
"WHY? Why are Harrietta, Steve and Melissa so good to me?"

I was able to hear a big thank you from my grandmother 7 years later. Wow. As my tears flowed, I started thinking about all of the good times. I remembered the deep love that Gaga had for me and my family. She never would have remembered, or focused on any of the bad times. She just didn't have it in her to judge people harshly for anything. Everyone deserves someone like that in their lives. I am very grateful to have a reminder that I had one play a large role in my life. Somehow, I think she still plays a role in my life and always will.