Forgiving God

I recently spend a weekend on retreat at a Convent. Because of several unavoidable circumstances, the planned program for the retreat was put to the side. Instead, we entered into a sacred space of sharing and affirming each other in very special ways. I did not get the 'rest and quiet' I had expected. Instead, I came away steadied. I had a strong sense that I was coming to face some challenges in my Faith. Fortunately, I had a new found strength to meet them. One of the most memorable conversations answered a question I have held deep down inside of me for a long time. I have, at times, been very, very angry with God. I have often wondered, angrily, how our Creator could allow so much suffering in our world. How could people, churches, governments use God's name to kill, harm or exclude God's own children? I just have never been able to wrap my mind around all of it. I had always been taught that Jesus died on the Cross so that we would be forgiven of our sins. I never quite agreed with this teaching, and I have always struggled with the concept behind the Crucifixion. When one of the Sisters began talking about this subject, I sat back waiting for the same old teaching. It was a good thing that I paid attention, because she had a very different take on the subject. She said that she had heard another nun, a long time ago, explain the Crucifixion in a different way. I can't remember her exact words, because I started crying right away. Her ideas went something like this. She explained that God allowed people to see the suffering of a Son of God so that we could forgive the Divine. God wanted to let us know that He knew what suffering was, and that we would need permission to forgive Him. This has changed my view of many things. I will be eternally grateful for this Nun, my sister, to have taken this path of love. She has touched my life (in several ways) that is beyond words. I am trying to find my own path of love and forgiveness, hoping to find more and more brothers and sisters to share it with me.