It was a very simple question, mixed into a conversation. "How's your prayer life?" Ouch. "Not so good." was the answer. I admitted that I have gotten bogged down in so many different things, that I have neglected my prayers.
My grandmother would pray continuously during the day. I would find her sitting with her eyes closed, thinking she was asleep. She would open them and just say she was praying. My great-aunt came to stay with us one night. She left her notebook there by accident. It was a notebook with the names of all of the people she prayed for at night. I realized my name was in it, and I was overcome. She was praying for me, my husband and our child every night.
I remember one of the saddest moments I could recall. My grandmother had died 2 days before, and I was going to take my final exam for nursing. I was a wreck with all of the stress and realized how much I had come to rely on being able to call my grandmother and ask her to pray for me. I felt so alone knowing she was not around to answer that phone call. It was then that I realized that I needed to start learning to pray for myself.
I keep wondering what this Lent will bring for me. I think that bringing back a steady and intentional prayer life is a must. I've never been one to pray publicly. I have never felt comfortable praying out loud with anybody. Recently, a friend asked me to pray with him, and I went a long way out of my comfort zone. It was a very sweet experience for me, and I am glad he asked.
I am grateful for people who are willing to nudge me with questions. I am grateful for people who help me grow out of my comfort zone. I am looking forward to a trip to see a Spiritual Director this weekend. I am also going on a Lenten retreat. I am hoping to slow down, remember my prayer life and embrace all of the blessings of my life. I grew up with the generations before me offering prayers for me and my family. To them, I am most grateful.
I have been the 7th grade Sunday school teacher at my synagogue. We have 3 hours of class on Sundays.
ReplyDeleteOne of the classes starts by asking the students, "You have been coming to Religious School since pre-K and you have been talking about God all of the time. Okay, now define God."
I will pause for a moment while you try to answer the question and to define God.
I am waiting...
In class, this question leads to a long discussion about the possible different definitions of God and how each student finds appeal in different combination of descriptions. Some like the "God as engineer" who builds things. Some like the "Puppet master God" who controls our fates. Some find reassurance in the "God as Parent" analogy.
Others, however, found utility in Spinoza's version of God. In this kaballistic analogy, God is like a radio signal that permeates the cosmos. Prayer is our radio that allows us to tune into God's message. Different folks tune into different channels on the radio, as it is needed for them to hear the message.
Others found utility in the concept of God as everything. I call this the God is the Force (from Star Wars). Obi Wan Kenobi tells Luke that "The Force is... an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together." This is a valid Jewish definition of God (as are the other definitions and a couple more not mentioned).
How you pray depends on how you think about God.
If you relate to the Puppet Master God, then your grandmother's way of praying makes sense.
If you relate to the Radio Signal God or to the God as the Force, then a more meditative approach to prayer makes sense. Or perhaps a discussion of God is equivalent to prayer.
As you pray at different times and for different reasons, then the manner with which you pray is different. And the aspect of God to which you are relating will also be different.
You might wait for awhile. Ha ha! I have no idea how to define God. I think, perhaps, I am just trying to define how I relate to God. I certainly relate different ways at different times.
ReplyDeleteI love the Star Wars analogy. I think Yoda is the best!