Out loud

I love singing along with Alanis Morissette when I get distressed about something.  She always seems to have one of those songs I can sing at the top of my lungs with.  Of course, I only sing out loud in my car.  I struggle with singing out loud with people.  When I went to a recent retreat, I almost had a complete meltdown because it was a small group I was expected to chant with.  I really needed affirmation from someone before I would allow my voice to be heard.  I was so afraid of offending some one's ears, or being mocked.  It sounds a big childish, but it is my experience.  It is also my experience that when I use my voice to express dissent, people turn away from me.  In the past, I would rather be voiceless than to loose friends.
As with any childhood issue, things creep up all the time.  Sometimes, those issues combine into one event.  Having been raised in an Evangelical Church, I have struggled with ministers interjecting themselves into my relationship with God.  There seems to be an entitlement with this exact issue, especially in the South.  I was at the ball field one day when another mother walked up to me and commented on the cross I was wearing.  She went on to start lecturing me about something to do with professing things by word.  I was standing there in shock, shaking and wondering what I should do.  I started going back at her and arguing.  I even managed to quote some scripture, and I watched as her husband came up and had to pull her away.
So finding my voice with people who choose to place themselves in between me and God is hard for me.  It is even harder to reconcile it when I realize that someone seems to read this blog simply looking for a vulnerable spot to hook me with.  I write things and share them as part of a conversation, not a place to be told what I am, or what I need to do.
So, swallowing my fear of being heard out loud, and combining that with my fear of causing conflict, I get to make a conscious choice.  Quite frankly, I don't think it is fair that I have to do it.  I make sincere efforts not to interject my beliefs into someone else's relationship with God, and I expect the same sort of respect from others.  I welcome any dialogue and real conversation.  But, I do not welcome someone coming up to me to tell me that I am a 'tortured Catholic'.  This simply isn't true and it is an unwelcome intrusion.  So the time has come for me to use my voice.  Since real conversation isn't possible, I'll just post it here and hope that it is heard. 
"Back off"