Don't tell anyone

When I was first married and had a baby, we had friends across the street.  We'd play cards and discuss life happenings.  I was still new to domestic work, and having to learn how to keep a tidy house.  In fact, I haven't quite gotten a hold on it.  I remarked that I had finally dusted the lamp shades and I had no idea how dirty they were.  This is when the man sitting next to me smirked a little and said "I don't think I'd tell anyone that."  In other words, you should hide that secret, it is embarrassing.  I think this comment shaped our friendship in many ways.  Lets keep our dirty little secrets to ourselves.  Lets not pretend we have dirty shades, financial concerns, parenting problems or dust.  Just deal the next hand and lets go about our lives.
This week, I had an impromptu lunch with a friend.  After awhile, we got down to the dirty parts of our lives.  It was freeing!  We are both struggling every! single! day!  We laughed so hard I was almost in tears. 
I'm finding this space in my life where I get to be real.  I don't have to be afraid to tell anyone things.  These friends respond with their own struggles.  It is not a place where we feel sorry for each other.  There is no pity.  There is simply this acknowledgement that life is usually messy.  It is complicated and also very, very funny.
I guess there was a time in my life where playing games was important.  Go ahead and just deal the next hand, have another beer and don't tell anyone.  This must have been valuable to me, so I'm glad I had it.  I also spent some time wanting everyone to feel sorry for me, pity me.  That served a purpose.  Now, I hope I'm entering into a phase in my life where people acknowledge their struggles and successes.  We don't listen to each other's problems with the intent of using it against them.  We don't pretend to be better than each other.  We work every day to be a little bit better and we laugh at ourselves when we fail.