Friends

I am entering into a bit of a second stage of life.  As someone told me "When I turned 40, I felt like I had earned it."  I know, for certain, that I see things much differently.  One of those things is friendship.
I used to choose friends based on what they would do.  Would they help me when I needed it?  Will they help me with the kids?  Could they play cards?  This, among other things, seemed to set up an unequal relationship.  This 'action plan' as it were, seems to make for short lived friendships.  Eventually, one person isn't going to do or say the right thing. 
I am learning that the best friends are not perfect, and don't always *do* the right thing.  However, it ends up being about who we *are*, not what we do.
This week, I went to see a very young, inexperienced doctor and he gave me a possible diagnosis that would be life changing.  It absolutely wrecked me.  I went into isolation mode, and decided to just be mad.  I ended up on the phone with a friend.  I was a total mess.  As I started my usual coping skill of lashing out, she reminded me something.  "We're going to be friends for a long time."
My anger (actually fear) turned to gratitude pretty quickly.  I realized I had a different sort of friend here.  She was just going to *be* a friend. 
Thankfully, this doctor ended up being wrong, but is was a terrible day for me.  I was faced with my own mortality and hit some emotions I hadn't expected to hit.  And I learned a very valuable lesson in friendship.  I hope that I am learning how to *be* a good friend, too.  This reminds me of a line from an Alanis Morissette song.
"One day, I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends."

One day.