Words

I was watching 'Grey's Anatomy' tonight. I watched a surgeon struggle to tell another surgeon about the death of her husband. The grieving widow said "I need to hear the word." Of course, Dr Yang was obliged to use the word dead. Ouch. I know how much it hurt her to say.
In the 1990's, I spent some time as a paramedic. It is the only job I have had that gave me the obligation to tell family members the patient was dead. One time, I really screwed this part up. I talked awhile with the wife if a deceased patient. After a few minutes, I told her that there was nothing else we could do, so we would be leaving. She looked at me and announced that she would be going to wake her husband up. I realized at that very intensely, awkward moment that I had not used the 'right' word with her. I looked at the deputy beside me and walked away. I would chicken out, leaving him to say the words.
I remember the moment. It is seared in my memory as an event that has taught me the importance of words. More importantly, it taught me the crucial importance of being present.
I have been reflecting a great deal on my years as a paramedic, emt. I realize how formative those years have been. I have touched those places in people's lives. I have touched places in our society where grief lives. I have done and seen things that most people never understand. Most people live in worlds where words don't really matter. I learned the hard way that they do. I learned the hard way how to tell a family member that someone has died.
So, watch your words. You never know what weight they carry as you speak them. You never know what people are needing to hear. You just never really know. I have learned the hard way. I have learned how to say the words that no one wants to have to say. I've learned how to speak the truth about a situation. I never want to walk away from someone, leaving someone else to give the words they need to hear.