Friends

So, I seem to be learning about this parenting thing as I go. I have entered into the teen aged phase of things. I have decided this part is far harder than anything else, except for the 3 year old girl phase. I happen to be dealing with both right now: at the same time!
I was lamenting this to my spiritual guide. She is from Africa and has a much different take on raising children than Americans. Her suggestion this morning: befriend your teenager. Wow. Isn't that against our cultural norm? Aren't we supposed to battling things out and learning about rules and punishment? Isn't that the quote you hear most people saying "I'm your mother, not your friend!"
It has made me think. Can we be both? I think some of that has to do with understanding what a friend really is. I think my view of friendship is different than many Americans. I think a friend is someone who is in your life because of who you are, not what you do. I think a friend is someone who knows how to be a friend, and accept friendship. I think a friendship transcends any roles in life we might have. I think it is a relationship based on respect, love and clear boundaries. I guess with this definition, I aspire to being friends with my children. Certainly, once punishment, defiance and arguing enter a picture; things begin to get broken down. I want our house to be a place where things are built up.
I think that where parents start getting into trouble is in using their kids for a sense of their own identity. It can become very complicated when a parent needs their child to like them. This muddled kind of 'friendship' is not based on clear boundaries.
I think back on the friendships that I have been able to nurture with some people. These relationships started out with distinct roles that would not be conducive to 'friendships'. Yet, with love, respect and clear boundaries: we have transcended the roles into loving friendships. I hope this can hold true with my children. I certainly hope that they can count on me when things get rough in their lives. I pray that I can find a way to befriend them.