Bread pudding

This is a story I wrote several years ago. I look forward to making bread pudding in a couple of days!!

Bread Pudding

One of the fondest memories I have of thanksgiving is learning how to make bread pudding with my grandmother. I spent my first married Thanksgiving eve night with her to help her cook. I was so excited to be a part of the preparations that year. My husband went to bed, and I stayed up late with Gaga and we talked and laughed while making bread pudding. I, personally, have never been a big fan of the stuff. We only had it on Thanksgiving as a request from my uncle. The hard sauce we put on top of it is my favorite part. Actually, it is the making of the hard sauce that is the best. Well, over the years I helped Gaga make the bread pudding. We made it a little bit different every time. it was fun tasting it until we felt we had the right consistency and flavor. Well, my grandmother died this year, and I had to make the bread pudding on my own. I had no written recipe, only my memories of cooking with my grandmother. The dessert actually turned out really well. I was grateful to realize that I learned the art of making the pudding. I do feel the need to have a written recipe for posterity, knowing that practice is the only way to get it just right.
I decided to halve the recipe my grandmother always used. I did not have a huge crowd attending, and did not want much leftover. So, I used one loaf of bread instead of two. I took the loaf of white bread and spread it out on the counter and left it out over night. If you plan to use two loaves, you might want to make one of them whole wheat bread. It adds a little fiber and color to the pudding. When it came time to break the bread up, I put my kids to work. They had a good time tearing the bread up into little pieces. Put them all into a big bowl. In a smaller bowl, beat up two eggs. Add the following to the eggs:
About a cup of milk.
About a quarter cup of sugar.
About half a teaspoon of salt.
About half a teaspoon of cinnamon.
About a teaspoon of baking powder.
Take this bowl of liquid, stir it up and dump it over the bread. Start squishing the bread around with the milk mixture. Yes, you must use your hands in this recipe. Keep squishing and adding milk until you get the right consistency. It took us about 15 minutes to get it just right. I want to describe it like a pourable pudding. I tasted it several times, adding sugar and cinnamon as needed. You want to avoid big pieces of bread in the mixture, so tear the bread and squish it as needed. When you think that you have it just right, pour it into a greased pan. You want the thickness to be about one inch, so use whatever sized pan works, or use two. Cook at 350 until firm. Gaga use to cook it until it was hard. This is where I differ. I think I like it better still a little bit squishy.
If you ever want to learn how to make the hard sauce, you must show up at my house for on Thanksgiving and learn how to make it in person. It is the act of making it that is so much fun. It is the most fun part of the day, and also the most tasty. I hope that you enjoy the recipe for bread pudding as much as I have enjoyed it.
Love Melissa Senf

Friends

So, I seem to be learning about this parenting thing as I go. I have entered into the teen aged phase of things. I have decided this part is far harder than anything else, except for the 3 year old girl phase. I happen to be dealing with both right now: at the same time!
I was lamenting this to my spiritual guide. She is from Africa and has a much different take on raising children than Americans. Her suggestion this morning: befriend your teenager. Wow. Isn't that against our cultural norm? Aren't we supposed to battling things out and learning about rules and punishment? Isn't that the quote you hear most people saying "I'm your mother, not your friend!"
It has made me think. Can we be both? I think some of that has to do with understanding what a friend really is. I think my view of friendship is different than many Americans. I think a friend is someone who is in your life because of who you are, not what you do. I think a friend is someone who knows how to be a friend, and accept friendship. I think a friendship transcends any roles in life we might have. I think it is a relationship based on respect, love and clear boundaries. I guess with this definition, I aspire to being friends with my children. Certainly, once punishment, defiance and arguing enter a picture; things begin to get broken down. I want our house to be a place where things are built up.
I think that where parents start getting into trouble is in using their kids for a sense of their own identity. It can become very complicated when a parent needs their child to like them. This muddled kind of 'friendship' is not based on clear boundaries.
I think back on the friendships that I have been able to nurture with some people. These relationships started out with distinct roles that would not be conducive to 'friendships'. Yet, with love, respect and clear boundaries: we have transcended the roles into loving friendships. I hope this can hold true with my children. I certainly hope that they can count on me when things get rough in their lives. I pray that I can find a way to befriend them.

Change

I recently read an article in a Yoga magazine. It says that we should see change as initiation. I found it intriguing considering the many changes I seem to be going through. Some have even called it a Transforming time for me. It made me think of the example set for my by my maternal grandmother. I call her Gaga.
My grandmother was a 'cradle Episcopalian'. Going to the same little church at the end of the road from 3 months until she was 92 years old. At age 92, she was not able to drive, nor get up the church stairs. So, she was left at home most Sunday mornings because no one offered to help her get the short distance to church, or up the stairs. Lamenting her lack of church going to a neighbor, he instantly offered to take her to church with him. So, at 92, Gaga changed churches. This little Methodist church would embrace her, building a ramp for her wheelchair.
I can still remember how excited Gaga was at being a member of a church community again. I watched her glow with love for her new church family. I was so proud of her ability to change a 92 year old way of worshiping.
When Gaga was 95 years old, we faced the reality that she needed to be in an assisted care facility. Instead of dreading the change, she (once again) embraced it. She declared it would be her ministry to help her her neighbors by 'lifting their spirits.'
Someone told me that we learn the most from our elders. They really are the ones that shape us more than our parents. I hope that I can continue to learn from the examples that were set for me. I am hoping that I can embrace change and see what initiation it brings.

What if...

What if everything I had ever done in my life were exactly what I was supposed to do?

What if every mistake, misjudgement, error and loss of temper were a part of my journey simply to teach me the next lesson?

What would our world be like if we saw ourselves through this lens of being perfect and deserving of compassion and unconditional love?

What if we learned simply to love ourselves?

Where would our children be if we learned to love them unconditionally? What if we held our judgement and punishment? What if we held our sharp words and humiliation? What would our children learn from being guided, loved and discipled? What if we parents' learned how to invoke our children to trust us instead of provoking them to anger?

Where would I be if I saw myself as being loved unconditionally? What if I felt that I deserved to be shown compassion, love, respect and dignity simply by being born? What if we discarded our need to perform in order to receive love? What if love were just simply there for the receiving?

What if I looked at myself with compassion? What if I looked at my own journey with love and respect? What if I simply accepted myself as being Beloved?

Raising kids

When I first found out I was pregnant, my husband and I set a goal. We wanted our children to grow up to be a compassionate and happy people. Nothing else really mattered. We didn't care what career they chose. We were not going to worry much about grades, sports, or other accomplishments. We were willing to accept any physical or mental deficiencies in our children. We just hoped for them to understand and give compassion. We have a great desire for them to be happy.
Four kids later, I can say that we still have this is our goal. It really is more of a mission statement. We have gone back to this goal many times when we were struggling with a decision. We will continue to try to do this as long we are lucky enough to be parents.
Someone gave me a book a few weeks ago. I hadn't paid much attention to the full title until today. This book is really hitting home with me, and helping me affirm many things. When I looked at the title, I realized why. It goes back to our mission statement: Attached at the Heart. 8 Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children. It was written by Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker.
I am grateful for haven started out my parenting with a goal like this. I am certain that it has helped me far more than my children. It helped me because I had to learn how to be a connected and compassionate person. I had to learn this so that I could model it for my kids. I had to allow myself to be broken and put back together with this mission in mind.
Parenting has been the most difficult undertaking in my life. I am sure that it will continue to break me in ways I had never thought possible. As I sat and listened to one of my childhood heroes speak last night, I knew that this work was worth it. He was a coach who won a national championship in 1981. He was an icon in my youth. He told the crowd in no uncertain terms: being a parent is the most important thing in this world. He said that his championship means very little compared watching his players become parents and grandparents. It was great to hear that message. It helps me stay focused on this goal my husband and I share of raising these kids. So, I keep muddling through this parenting journey of mine. I do it with gratitude for this kids, friends and family who have walked this walk with me.