One time, I was (finally) asked out by the cutest guy at school. He took me to the dance. He danced with me once and took off with another girl. I was left stunned. I didn't even understand what happened. He said he wanted to go with me. He said he liked me. He said a bunch of things. Yet, when the time came he did something totally different. Worse than that, he acted like he had done nothing wrong. At the time, I was so stunned, so naive, I didn't even know how to act. I just cried and felt sorry for myself. It was a terrible feeling.
Years have gone by, but I will admit that I still find myself in situations where I am still get stunned and disappointed. I still don't know what to do. Making people carry through with their promises is not possible. Either they follow through or they don't. Even when they make a solemn promise during a Baptism, you have to leave it to them. They can make a promise to have your voice heard. Yet, if their are no ears to hear, they cannot follow through. A boss can hire you with a bunch of promises of change. Then you find out that it was all words.
I've just realized that I make very few promises to people. I don't want to disappoint. I am learning to try to be clear with people what they can expect from me. The first thing they should expect is that I am human. I can promise that I will make mistakes. I can also promise that I will always offer an apology when I do mess up.
So, if you are reading this, please forgive me. I am spending some time very disappointed. I know that Advent is a time of expectation. I know that I am supposed to be hopeful for the Light to enter this world. Right now, it just feels pretty dark for me.
I think that people tend to promise actions but what they really mean is to promise intent. Those of us receiving a promise need to recognize and to accept the limitations of that promise.
ReplyDeleteAdvent comes at the darkest time of the year. We can be comforted that the path forward will only get brighter.
I see Advent as a time of birth and of rebirth. As some celebrate the birth, we all can use this time as a rebirth for ourselves - a reboot of our operating system. Inherent to a rebirth is the ability to clean the slate of all of the junk that has accumulated over the past year.
(The meaning of Christmas according to one of your Jewish followers. Take it for what it's worth.)
Hi Melissa:
ReplyDeleteYour post tugs at my heartstrings. I am truly sorry for this time of sad struggle in your life.
You are right. Advent is a time of darkness. Just take a good listen to those readings Sunday-by-Sunday. Not a whole lot of cheer there.
But, there is promise -- promise of light, new life, insight, moments of ah-ha. Trouble is, we have to live through, even embrace, the dim wilderness. We have to BE there. We have to wait. And, trust.
Blessings, Janet
Today, I would say that I found that promise of light! That time of birth and rebirth! Life is truly amazing. Dark and light seem to come about the same time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your words, and friendship.
No, Melissa, it is too early to find the light. Advent is still ongoing. You need to wait another two weeks before you can find that promise of light.
ReplyDelete:-)