After Christmas

I don't know who the author of this poem is. It was among some things a friend sent me last summer. I found it this morning, a true blessing on my day.



When the song of the angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and princes are home,
When the shepherds are back with their flock,
The work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost,
To heal the broken,
To feed the hungry,
To release the prisoner,
To rebuild the nations,
To bring peace among people,
To make music in the heart.

The real Me

Several things people have said to me recently are ringing in my ears. "You remind me of myself." "I doubt that you could have mis-understood me." "I am in awe of how you have handled this." "I want you to hear I simply spoke your truth of how wonderful you are."

The people who said these things are far wiser and far more successful in life than I would ever hope to be. And honestly, they are the ones who have had the opportunity to see the REAL Me. The real Me is honest, compassionate, loving, caring, sometimes even wise.

Why isn't the real Me always visible? I am struggling with this part of my Spiritual Journey. So many people in my life have not had the opportunity to see this. I am simply not sure of what part I play in that. I understand much of the psycho babble about transference and projection. Yet, deep down inside, I still feel a bit helpless in understanding any of this.

For one thing I am profoundly grateful. For all of my friends who read this blog, stay in community with me and walk this walk with me in love and compassion: I am in your debt forever.

Weaning

I tend to look at things differently than most people. Many years ago, I came across a definition of weaning that has stuck with me. The author of a breastfeeding book invited me to look at weaning as a sense of being fulfilled. Weaning can be done, gently and with love. I read this poem today, and it brought tears to my eyes.



Wean Me Gently

by Cathy Cardall

I know I look so big to you,
Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.
But no matter how big we get,
We still have needs that are important to us.
I know that our relationship is growing and changing,
But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,
Especially at the end of the day
When we snuggle up in bed.
Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.
I know you think I can be patient,
Or find something to take the place of a nursing;
A book, a glass of something,
But nothing can take your place when I need you.
Sometimes just cuddling with you,
Having you near me is enough.
I guess I am growing and becoming independent,
But please be there.
This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,
Please don't break it abruptly.
Wean me gently,
Because I am your mother,
And my heart is tender.

Disappointed

One time, I was (finally) asked out by the cutest guy at school. He took me to the dance. He danced with me once and took off with another girl. I was left stunned. I didn't even understand what happened. He said he wanted to go with me. He said he liked me. He said a bunch of things. Yet, when the time came he did something totally different. Worse than that, he acted like he had done nothing wrong. At the time, I was so stunned, so naive, I didn't even know how to act. I just cried and felt sorry for myself. It was a terrible feeling.

Years have gone by, but I will admit that I still find myself in situations where I am still get stunned and disappointed. I still don't know what to do. Making people carry through with their promises is not possible. Either they follow through or they don't. Even when they make a solemn promise during a Baptism, you have to leave it to them. They can make a promise to have your voice heard. Yet, if their are no ears to hear, they cannot follow through. A boss can hire you with a bunch of promises of change. Then you find out that it was all words.

I've just realized that I make very few promises to people. I don't want to disappoint. I am learning to try to be clear with people what they can expect from me. The first thing they should expect is that I am human. I can promise that I will make mistakes. I can also promise that I will always offer an apology when I do mess up.

So, if you are reading this, please forgive me. I am spending some time very disappointed. I know that Advent is a time of expectation. I know that I am supposed to be hopeful for the Light to enter this world. Right now, it just feels pretty dark for me.