Playing small

One upon a time, I was an in-shape, skilled basketball player.  I was even offered a position on a major college basketball team.  If my grades had been better, I'd probably have played on the team.  Instead, I ended up out at the cement courts playing with mostly men.  In fact, I've played against several NFL stars.  The football team always headed out to the courts when spring practice was over.  It was probably the first time I played with pure athletes, much better than me.  I raised my game significantly, and was in the best playing shape of my life.
One day, I was waiting for enough people to come to play a game.  I ended up in a one-on-one game with a guy about my size.  As we were playing, it became pretty clear I was the better player.  In fact, I was much better and was winning handily.  This was truly distressing to my opponent.  He was getting beat by A GIRL, and all of the other guys were arriving at the court.  The more upset he got, the less effort I put into my game.  I started playing small.  He ended up strutting off the court, not even realizing that I had let him win.  I regretted letting him win.
To this day, I still struggle with this dynamic with other people.  For the most part, people put their efforts into making people small.  This is what makes them feel big.  I find it hard to find people who will work towards raising their own game when challenged.
Someone I used to know confessed that I intimidated him.  I was naive in thinking that he would work on himself.  Instead, I would learn that this was my cue to play small.  When I didn't play small, he used whatever tactic he could to get me out of the game.
I am sad for this person, and many others who need to make others small in order to feel big.  I am even more sad for the people they shrink.
I've been one of this people who get shrunk.  I've struggled with this most of my life.  My fear of being kicked out of the game overcomes my desire to live to my full potential.  I am trying to still this fear, and work on becoming the woman I am supposed to be.
Right now, I am prayerful to be surrounded with people who help me raise my game, in life.  I want to avoid those people who insist on my playing small.  I want to avoid this trap I easily fall into.  I hope that I won't be the one intimidated, nervous or scared.  I hope I won't expect others to play small to help me.  I hope that I find a way to play just the right size.