Nothing else matters

Twice in the past couple of weeks, I have reconnected with old friends. It had been years since I had seen or spoken to either one of them. With the first friend, I had heard the news that he was facing life-threatening cancer. I sat and counted the years since I had seen him. It was over 15 years since I had made any effort to see him. Embarrassment set in as I realized that I had been too caught up with my own life. I don't even send out Christmas cards anymore. I fretted over how, or when to go visit him. I was worried that he would be mad at me for waiting so long to show up. I finally found a day, jumped in my car with homemade banana bread and headed out for the 2 hour drive. I was nervous as I walked up the steps and found him sitting in his chair. In about 30 seconds, I realized that nothing else really mattered. I was here to be present with a friend. Everything else washed away. Within about 5 minutes, we were laughing, remembering old times. It was a wonderful visit. I am so utterly grateful for an opportunity to remember what really matters. I think that I recieved far more of a blessing than I gave. I spent much of my ride home, realizing how much of life is wasted worrying about things that do not matter. Worse than that, I started to realize how time I have wasted feeling sorry for myself.

With the second friend, we have a long history of ups and downs. It was nothing out of the ordinary in friendships. Yet, it had been a long time since we had put any effort towards reconnecting. When I found out his baby had been born with a serious birth defect, all of those issues washed away in about 3 seconds. I just wanted to call him and tell him how much I loved him. When life challenges you in this way, nothing else matters. Being present with a friend is what really matters.

I think that jobs that I have had are very helpful for me in this case. I have been a paramedic and ER nurse. When you have seen the things I have seen, and done the things that I have done, it is easy to remember that what really matters.

Working things through

Last year, I was privileged to be able to come in a full circle with myself. I was able to do this because of a gift of real friendship. It happened because of community.
I lived much of my life with one set of beliefs. I've spent a great deal of energy shedding much of these beliefs. A recent comment from my teenager helped me distinguish (or maybe extinguish) a belief. She told me that she was afraid to say the wrong thing to a family friend. She knew if she said the wrong thing that this person would 'quit talking to me'. We both realized that her fear was real. Some people base a friendship on being able to say only what the other person wants to hear. That had always been the basis of friendship for me. Now, thanks to a good friend, I believe differently.
Several years ago, I had a very bad, very loud argument with a friend. She walked up to hug me, and (at the time) I hated being touched, much less hugged. I exploded at her, and we had a big argument at the park. She and I both left in tears. Because of my 'old belief system', I assumed that our friendship was over. I had stepped out of the 'boundary' of saying what she wanted to hear. Instead of the end of the friendship, it signaled the real beginning. I still don't understand it. By the time I got home to email my sincere apologies, she had already explored her part in the argument. She was ready to apologize, and so was I. We agreed that we both had conflicting ideas about hugs, and that was OK. So, over the next few years, we found ways of disagreeing while listening to the other person's fears. We based all of our disagreements in the fact that we both loved each other. People don't feel threatened in a relationship based on love. We decided that whenever we felt fear or discord, we would be able to work it through. This sort of relationship becomes one in which both people end up co-evolving. It is not based in fear, but in love.
A year ago this week, our argument about simple hug came to bear the most amazing fruit. In a moment of pure agony and grief, this friend and I embraced each other with abandon. We were at the graveside of a friend, and we truly needed each other. It was a very, very healing moment for me as I let myself open up to another person in a hug. I would have never gotten to experience this Healing if my friend hadn't had the courage to work things out. I am so truly blessed with these new beliefs. I now recognize that relationships should be based in love and not fear. I try to move forward, with courage, in love with people. I still feel the sting of being ignored or excluded when I don't say what some people want to hear. Yet, I am encouraged by people who have shown me differently. Thanks, Tracee, I am forever in your debt.

Another quote

"Unwittingly, I was looking for a door and not a doorway, something to hide behind and think private thoughts, not a conduit to let the community into my heart. Loneliness was the worst punishment imaginable, and I was trying to rent it." p. 85 of Secrets of the Talking Jaguar by Martin Prechtel

The road less traveled

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

A meandering creek

I have always enjoyed sitting beside a creek. I had one very near my house as a child. It holds special memories for me. When we moved out to our land, we discovered that we had two creeks running through it. This is a picture of the smaller one. Last week, we had quite a snow! It was beautiful.

Story telling

I tend to be drawn to books written about real life experiences. The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, by Sue Monk Kidd is one of my most favorite books. She makes herself so vulnerable in simply telling her story. I have also read books by Barbara Brown Taylor. Her book, Leaving Church, helped me understand so much of my own problems with church. When I went to a book signing to hear Mrs. Taylor speak, she said something that made a huge impact on me. She said something like "I am an expert in exactly one person's journey." She helped me understand that part of my function in this world was simply to become an expert in my own journey. That is when I started quit trying to tell everyone else's story. It is when I started to tell my own.

Telling my own story is much harder than trying to tell other people's stories. It means that I am to start examining myself in different ways. I wanted to be willing to share my story. I began wondering if, perhaps, I have something to say. When I read this quote in a book yesterday, I understood why I wanted to share it publicly.

"I hope something ancient and indigenous may reawaken inside the modern reader, who may catch a whiff or a glimmer of his or her own ancestral indigenous soul, or a memory of her ancient Celtic ancestral roadhouse, or Dravidian river people, or Polynesian canoe raid. Perhaps the soul could remember a little of its origination, when its people still belonged to the spirit of a place. Possibly my own story will give your stories courage enough to blossom." p.xix of Secrets of the Talking Jaguar by Martin Prechtel