Birthin'

As I sit at my computer tonight, I am a bit maudlin. Our baby turns two years old tomorrow. Her entrance into our family has caused quite a stir. In honor of that day, I have decided to share some of the story surround her birth.....don't worry, I won't give too many details.

I drove home from my Advance Cardiac Life Support Class. I had been feeling a bit uncomfortable, but wasn't due for another 2 weeks. Yet, something did seem a bit different. There was a beautiful full moon out. We live out in the country, so the stars and moon get very bright. As I went to sleep, I started to wonder if this would be the night. At about 2 am, I got the answer. My water broke while I laid in bed. I waited awhile to see if anything would happen. No real contractions, nothing. I finally got a bit nervous and woke up my husband to tell him we were going to have a baby today. We called the midwife to give her advanced notice. We then settled into waiting. I walked around our property, enjoying the full moon. It was interesting letting the moon light my way. I have never been brave enough to walk around at night with no flashlight, but this time was different. I wanted to visit the creek, and sit beside the running water. Finally, with no real contractions, I went back to bed. I realized that I needed sleep more than I needed a walk. Shortly the kids all woke up. We called a friend to take the kids away for a fun day at the lake. Steve and I sat around wondering what was going to happen.
At the onset of this pregnancy, I had made a firm decision. I had no preconceived notion of how or where I would give birth. We had planned for a home birth from the beginning, but understood the very real possibility of needing to go to the hospital. I had even verbalized to my midwife that I was going to be fine with a c-section, if I needed it. I had nothing to prove with birthing this baby. I realized that I had no real control over what was in store. I was just willing to trust my body, my midwife and this process.
I had a few contractions here and there. It was a matter of stopping what I was doing and moaning through them. Yet, I never had more that 3-4 an hour. I started getting frustrated and scared about a stalled labor. The birthing tub had been set up, I had napped. I even ate a full lunch. We spoke with the midwife all day. I was beginning to get nervous, realizing that a long labor was not a good thing. I called a Priest friend of mine. I asked her if she had any prayers for a stalled labor. Her answer startled me "What are you afraid of?" This question caught me off guard and caused me to think. I gave the standard answers of 'pain, something going wrong, a long labor'. She kept listening and I kept thinking. Finally, I was able to utter my deepest fear. I was simply afraid of the power that lay within me. I was afraid that I would have the birth that I had always dreamed of.
After I hung up with her, I had a really, really good cry. I had been holding a huge amount of stress in my body, and I needed to let it all go. I needed to prepare a space for this new soul to enter our family. After crying, I told my husband I was going to try to take a nap. Steve went to the other room to watch TV. A few short minutes later a contraction hit, then another, then another. I moaned through each of them. Soon, I heard Steve talking to the midwife on the phone telling her to come on over. After a few more contractions, I headed for the birthing pool set up in our bedroom. I soon realized that real labor had begun. With each contraction, I had to hold my husband's hand. I quickly learned to get a little ahead of the contraction and started my moaning early. It seemed to help me from fearing the intensity. I felt in total control of a totally out of control situation. Soon our midwife arrived with her assistant. Their presence was quiet and reassuring. Soon I began to push our baby out on my hands and knees while in the water. I felt her head pass out, and I reached down to feel it. I rubbed her hair while she remained in side of me. It was the most amazing feeling. There I was, in the middle of this incredibly physically, emotionally and spiritually demanding act. Yet, I was able to embrace it. I was even enjoying it. With the next contraction, she came out into the water. The midwife assistant and I fished her out of the water, and I pulled her to my chest. As I lay back, I realized that I had done it! I had delivered this baby, by myself! I did it! After looking to see that we had a new daughter, and a kiss from my midwife, I looked around. All I could say was 'God is in the room.'
The Presence of the Divine was so tangible at that moment. I had felt the powerful force of Healing. I had been surrounded by prayers and love. My midwife, her assistant and my husband had provided me the space to do what I needed to do. We, together, had created a Holy Space for the entrance of another soul into this world. While I do realize that it was a baby that was brought into the world, I think that she wasn't the only one to be born that day.