Ashes

Ash Wednesday has always been a very important observance for me. Since I was working yesterday, I went for a quick smudging at the chapel in the hospital. I then went on to have the very best imaginable Ash Wednesday ever.

Whenever I get to be in attendance with someone as they give birth, I get to be a part of something much larger than myself. I am humbled by the work and effort of a mother. I am entranced with the hands of a gifted midwife as she holds them in a loving way to catch a baby as he makes his way into this world. I fall in love with a new creature as he opens his eyes, realizing that things are a little bit different now. Birth is hard, it is messy. Sometimes, it even smells bad. Although surrounded by love and support, the mother is the only one who can do the work of birthing a baby.

So, yesterday, I remained busy holding things, handing things and fetching things. Yet, my main purpose was simply to hold sacred space, giving the mother and baby room to do whatever they needed to do.

It was a perfect way of remembering who I really am in this world.


Almighty God, you have created us out of the dust of the
earth: Grant that these ashes may be to us a sign of our
mortality and penitence, that we may remember that it is
only by your gracious gift that we are given everlasting life;
through Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen. Book of Common Prayer

Retreating

I am a mother of 4 children. I work full time. We live in the country with chickens, goats and animals. We try to have a garden every year. I want to raise more chickens this year. Our children are very involved in sports, church, plays....
I don't ever really feel like I have time to do the things I really want to do for my family. I spend most of my weekends cooking, baking and cleaning the house. There is the occasional date with my husband (don't forget about him). I have friends having babies. I enjoy spending time with my girl friends. I also try to pick up time at my part-time job in the ER.
I can't remember the last time I finished a book. I am tired.
My tiredness is not physical, I actually feel better than I have in years. My soul has gotten tired. I get pulled in so many different directions, I just don't get to sit still and renew.
I am spending this weekend at a convent where the rhythm of life revolves around the daily offices. Bells ring to tell us to go to chapel to pray or the dining hall to eat. I look forward to renewing long-distance relationships and letting my soul feel safe and nurtured.
In the 15 years I have spent mothering other people, I have learned one very important thing. I have to take care of myself. Sometimes, I have to retreat to a place where I refresh my role as a daughter and sister. I need to receive in order to give to those who depend on me for so much.
I can't wait!