I don't know who the author of this poem is. It was among some things a friend sent me last summer. I found it this morning, a true blessing on my day.
When the song of the angels is stilled,
When the star in the sky is gone,
When the kings and princes are home,
When the shepherds are back with their flock,
The work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost,
To heal the broken,
To feed the hungry,
To release the prisoner,
To rebuild the nations,
To bring peace among people,
To make music in the heart.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
The real Me
Several things people have said to me recently are ringing in my ears. "You remind me of myself." "I doubt that you could have mis-understood me." "I am in awe of how you have handled this." "I want you to hear I simply spoke your truth of how wonderful you are."
The people who said these things are far wiser and far more successful in life than I would ever hope to be. And honestly, they are the ones who have had the opportunity to see the REAL Me. The real Me is honest, compassionate, loving, caring, sometimes even wise.
Why isn't the real Me always visible? I am struggling with this part of my Spiritual Journey. So many people in my life have not had the opportunity to see this. I am simply not sure of what part I play in that. I understand much of the psycho babble about transference and projection. Yet, deep down inside, I still feel a bit helpless in understanding any of this.
For one thing I am profoundly grateful. For all of my friends who read this blog, stay in community with me and walk this walk with me in love and compassion: I am in your debt forever.
The people who said these things are far wiser and far more successful in life than I would ever hope to be. And honestly, they are the ones who have had the opportunity to see the REAL Me. The real Me is honest, compassionate, loving, caring, sometimes even wise.
Why isn't the real Me always visible? I am struggling with this part of my Spiritual Journey. So many people in my life have not had the opportunity to see this. I am simply not sure of what part I play in that. I understand much of the psycho babble about transference and projection. Yet, deep down inside, I still feel a bit helpless in understanding any of this.
For one thing I am profoundly grateful. For all of my friends who read this blog, stay in community with me and walk this walk with me in love and compassion: I am in your debt forever.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Weaning
I tend to look at things differently than most people. Many years ago, I came across a definition of weaning that has stuck with me. The author of a breastfeeding book invited me to look at weaning as a sense of being fulfilled. Weaning can be done, gently and with love. I read this poem today, and it brought tears to my eyes.
Wean Me Gently
by Cathy Cardall
I know I look so big to you,
Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.
But no matter how big we get,
We still have needs that are important to us.
I know that our relationship is growing and changing,
But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,
Especially at the end of the day
When we snuggle up in bed.
Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.
I know you think I can be patient,
Or find something to take the place of a nursing;
A book, a glass of something,
But nothing can take your place when I need you.
Sometimes just cuddling with you,
Having you near me is enough.
I guess I am growing and becoming independent,
But please be there.
This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,
Please don't break it abruptly.
Wean me gently,
Because I am your mother,
And my heart is tender.
Wean Me Gently
by Cathy Cardall
I know I look so big to you,
Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.
But no matter how big we get,
We still have needs that are important to us.
I know that our relationship is growing and changing,
But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,
Especially at the end of the day
When we snuggle up in bed.
Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.
I know you think I can be patient,
Or find something to take the place of a nursing;
A book, a glass of something,
But nothing can take your place when I need you.
Sometimes just cuddling with you,
Having you near me is enough.
I guess I am growing and becoming independent,
But please be there.
This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,
Please don't break it abruptly.
Wean me gently,
Because I am your mother,
And my heart is tender.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Disappointed
One time, I was (finally) asked out by the cutest guy at school. He took me to the dance. He danced with me once and took off with another girl. I was left stunned. I didn't even understand what happened. He said he wanted to go with me. He said he liked me. He said a bunch of things. Yet, when the time came he did something totally different. Worse than that, he acted like he had done nothing wrong. At the time, I was so stunned, so naive, I didn't even know how to act. I just cried and felt sorry for myself. It was a terrible feeling.
Years have gone by, but I will admit that I still find myself in situations where I am still get stunned and disappointed. I still don't know what to do. Making people carry through with their promises is not possible. Either they follow through or they don't. Even when they make a solemn promise during a Baptism, you have to leave it to them. They can make a promise to have your voice heard. Yet, if their are no ears to hear, they cannot follow through. A boss can hire you with a bunch of promises of change. Then you find out that it was all words.
I've just realized that I make very few promises to people. I don't want to disappoint. I am learning to try to be clear with people what they can expect from me. The first thing they should expect is that I am human. I can promise that I will make mistakes. I can also promise that I will always offer an apology when I do mess up.
So, if you are reading this, please forgive me. I am spending some time very disappointed. I know that Advent is a time of expectation. I know that I am supposed to be hopeful for the Light to enter this world. Right now, it just feels pretty dark for me.
Years have gone by, but I will admit that I still find myself in situations where I am still get stunned and disappointed. I still don't know what to do. Making people carry through with their promises is not possible. Either they follow through or they don't. Even when they make a solemn promise during a Baptism, you have to leave it to them. They can make a promise to have your voice heard. Yet, if their are no ears to hear, they cannot follow through. A boss can hire you with a bunch of promises of change. Then you find out that it was all words.
I've just realized that I make very few promises to people. I don't want to disappoint. I am learning to try to be clear with people what they can expect from me. The first thing they should expect is that I am human. I can promise that I will make mistakes. I can also promise that I will always offer an apology when I do mess up.
So, if you are reading this, please forgive me. I am spending some time very disappointed. I know that Advent is a time of expectation. I know that I am supposed to be hopeful for the Light to enter this world. Right now, it just feels pretty dark for me.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Bread pudding
This is a story I wrote several years ago. I look forward to making bread pudding in a couple of days!!
Bread Pudding
One of the fondest memories I have of thanksgiving is learning how to make bread pudding with my grandmother. I spent my first married Thanksgiving eve night with her to help her cook. I was so excited to be a part of the preparations that year. My husband went to bed, and I stayed up late with Gaga and we talked and laughed while making bread pudding. I, personally, have never been a big fan of the stuff. We only had it on Thanksgiving as a request from my uncle. The hard sauce we put on top of it is my favorite part. Actually, it is the making of the hard sauce that is the best. Well, over the years I helped Gaga make the bread pudding. We made it a little bit different every time. it was fun tasting it until we felt we had the right consistency and flavor. Well, my grandmother died this year, and I had to make the bread pudding on my own. I had no written recipe, only my memories of cooking with my grandmother. The dessert actually turned out really well. I was grateful to realize that I learned the art of making the pudding. I do feel the need to have a written recipe for posterity, knowing that practice is the only way to get it just right.
I decided to halve the recipe my grandmother always used. I did not have a huge crowd attending, and did not want much leftover. So, I used one loaf of bread instead of two. I took the loaf of white bread and spread it out on the counter and left it out over night. If you plan to use two loaves, you might want to make one of them whole wheat bread. It adds a little fiber and color to the pudding. When it came time to break the bread up, I put my kids to work. They had a good time tearing the bread up into little pieces. Put them all into a big bowl. In a smaller bowl, beat up two eggs. Add the following to the eggs:
About a cup of milk.
About a quarter cup of sugar.
About half a teaspoon of salt.
About half a teaspoon of cinnamon.
About a teaspoon of baking powder.
Take this bowl of liquid, stir it up and dump it over the bread. Start squishing the bread around with the milk mixture. Yes, you must use your hands in this recipe. Keep squishing and adding milk until you get the right consistency. It took us about 15 minutes to get it just right. I want to describe it like a pourable pudding. I tasted it several times, adding sugar and cinnamon as needed. You want to avoid big pieces of bread in the mixture, so tear the bread and squish it as needed. When you think that you have it just right, pour it into a greased pan. You want the thickness to be about one inch, so use whatever sized pan works, or use two. Cook at 350 until firm. Gaga use to cook it until it was hard. This is where I differ. I think I like it better still a little bit squishy.
If you ever want to learn how to make the hard sauce, you must show up at my house for on Thanksgiving and learn how to make it in person. It is the act of making it that is so much fun. It is the most fun part of the day, and also the most tasty. I hope that you enjoy the recipe for bread pudding as much as I have enjoyed it.
Love Melissa Senf
Bread Pudding
One of the fondest memories I have of thanksgiving is learning how to make bread pudding with my grandmother. I spent my first married Thanksgiving eve night with her to help her cook. I was so excited to be a part of the preparations that year. My husband went to bed, and I stayed up late with Gaga and we talked and laughed while making bread pudding. I, personally, have never been a big fan of the stuff. We only had it on Thanksgiving as a request from my uncle. The hard sauce we put on top of it is my favorite part. Actually, it is the making of the hard sauce that is the best. Well, over the years I helped Gaga make the bread pudding. We made it a little bit different every time. it was fun tasting it until we felt we had the right consistency and flavor. Well, my grandmother died this year, and I had to make the bread pudding on my own. I had no written recipe, only my memories of cooking with my grandmother. The dessert actually turned out really well. I was grateful to realize that I learned the art of making the pudding. I do feel the need to have a written recipe for posterity, knowing that practice is the only way to get it just right.
I decided to halve the recipe my grandmother always used. I did not have a huge crowd attending, and did not want much leftover. So, I used one loaf of bread instead of two. I took the loaf of white bread and spread it out on the counter and left it out over night. If you plan to use two loaves, you might want to make one of them whole wheat bread. It adds a little fiber and color to the pudding. When it came time to break the bread up, I put my kids to work. They had a good time tearing the bread up into little pieces. Put them all into a big bowl. In a smaller bowl, beat up two eggs. Add the following to the eggs:
About a cup of milk.
About a quarter cup of sugar.
About half a teaspoon of salt.
About half a teaspoon of cinnamon.
About a teaspoon of baking powder.
Take this bowl of liquid, stir it up and dump it over the bread. Start squishing the bread around with the milk mixture. Yes, you must use your hands in this recipe. Keep squishing and adding milk until you get the right consistency. It took us about 15 minutes to get it just right. I want to describe it like a pourable pudding. I tasted it several times, adding sugar and cinnamon as needed. You want to avoid big pieces of bread in the mixture, so tear the bread and squish it as needed. When you think that you have it just right, pour it into a greased pan. You want the thickness to be about one inch, so use whatever sized pan works, or use two. Cook at 350 until firm. Gaga use to cook it until it was hard. This is where I differ. I think I like it better still a little bit squishy.
If you ever want to learn how to make the hard sauce, you must show up at my house for on Thanksgiving and learn how to make it in person. It is the act of making it that is so much fun. It is the most fun part of the day, and also the most tasty. I hope that you enjoy the recipe for bread pudding as much as I have enjoyed it.
Love Melissa Senf
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friends
So, I seem to be learning about this parenting thing as I go. I have entered into the teen aged phase of things. I have decided this part is far harder than anything else, except for the 3 year old girl phase. I happen to be dealing with both right now: at the same time!
I was lamenting this to my spiritual guide. She is from Africa and has a much different take on raising children than Americans. Her suggestion this morning: befriend your teenager. Wow. Isn't that against our cultural norm? Aren't we supposed to battling things out and learning about rules and punishment? Isn't that the quote you hear most people saying "I'm your mother, not your friend!"
It has made me think. Can we be both? I think some of that has to do with understanding what a friend really is. I think my view of friendship is different than many Americans. I think a friend is someone who is in your life because of who you are, not what you do. I think a friend is someone who knows how to be a friend, and accept friendship. I think a friendship transcends any roles in life we might have. I think it is a relationship based on respect, love and clear boundaries. I guess with this definition, I aspire to being friends with my children. Certainly, once punishment, defiance and arguing enter a picture; things begin to get broken down. I want our house to be a place where things are built up.
I think that where parents start getting into trouble is in using their kids for a sense of their own identity. It can become very complicated when a parent needs their child to like them. This muddled kind of 'friendship' is not based on clear boundaries.
I think back on the friendships that I have been able to nurture with some people. These relationships started out with distinct roles that would not be conducive to 'friendships'. Yet, with love, respect and clear boundaries: we have transcended the roles into loving friendships. I hope this can hold true with my children. I certainly hope that they can count on me when things get rough in their lives. I pray that I can find a way to befriend them.
I was lamenting this to my spiritual guide. She is from Africa and has a much different take on raising children than Americans. Her suggestion this morning: befriend your teenager. Wow. Isn't that against our cultural norm? Aren't we supposed to battling things out and learning about rules and punishment? Isn't that the quote you hear most people saying "I'm your mother, not your friend!"
It has made me think. Can we be both? I think some of that has to do with understanding what a friend really is. I think my view of friendship is different than many Americans. I think a friend is someone who is in your life because of who you are, not what you do. I think a friend is someone who knows how to be a friend, and accept friendship. I think a friendship transcends any roles in life we might have. I think it is a relationship based on respect, love and clear boundaries. I guess with this definition, I aspire to being friends with my children. Certainly, once punishment, defiance and arguing enter a picture; things begin to get broken down. I want our house to be a place where things are built up.
I think that where parents start getting into trouble is in using their kids for a sense of their own identity. It can become very complicated when a parent needs their child to like them. This muddled kind of 'friendship' is not based on clear boundaries.
I think back on the friendships that I have been able to nurture with some people. These relationships started out with distinct roles that would not be conducive to 'friendships'. Yet, with love, respect and clear boundaries: we have transcended the roles into loving friendships. I hope this can hold true with my children. I certainly hope that they can count on me when things get rough in their lives. I pray that I can find a way to befriend them.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Change
I recently read an article in a Yoga magazine. It says that we should see change as initiation. I found it intriguing considering the many changes I seem to be going through. Some have even called it a Transforming time for me. It made me think of the example set for my by my maternal grandmother. I call her Gaga.
My grandmother was a 'cradle Episcopalian'. Going to the same little church at the end of the road from 3 months until she was 92 years old. At age 92, she was not able to drive, nor get up the church stairs. So, she was left at home most Sunday mornings because no one offered to help her get the short distance to church, or up the stairs. Lamenting her lack of church going to a neighbor, he instantly offered to take her to church with him. So, at 92, Gaga changed churches. This little Methodist church would embrace her, building a ramp for her wheelchair.
I can still remember how excited Gaga was at being a member of a church community again. I watched her glow with love for her new church family. I was so proud of her ability to change a 92 year old way of worshiping.
When Gaga was 95 years old, we faced the reality that she needed to be in an assisted care facility. Instead of dreading the change, she (once again) embraced it. She declared it would be her ministry to help her her neighbors by 'lifting their spirits.'
Someone told me that we learn the most from our elders. They really are the ones that shape us more than our parents. I hope that I can continue to learn from the examples that were set for me. I am hoping that I can embrace change and see what initiation it brings.
My grandmother was a 'cradle Episcopalian'. Going to the same little church at the end of the road from 3 months until she was 92 years old. At age 92, she was not able to drive, nor get up the church stairs. So, she was left at home most Sunday mornings because no one offered to help her get the short distance to church, or up the stairs. Lamenting her lack of church going to a neighbor, he instantly offered to take her to church with him. So, at 92, Gaga changed churches. This little Methodist church would embrace her, building a ramp for her wheelchair.
I can still remember how excited Gaga was at being a member of a church community again. I watched her glow with love for her new church family. I was so proud of her ability to change a 92 year old way of worshiping.
When Gaga was 95 years old, we faced the reality that she needed to be in an assisted care facility. Instead of dreading the change, she (once again) embraced it. She declared it would be her ministry to help her her neighbors by 'lifting their spirits.'
Someone told me that we learn the most from our elders. They really are the ones that shape us more than our parents. I hope that I can continue to learn from the examples that were set for me. I am hoping that I can embrace change and see what initiation it brings.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)